Grappling with Grammar: A Grammar Gallimaufry

Eye grew up in a place kinda different from lots of peeple eye no. For me tha idea of orthagrafic variation doesn't seem to weird u no? Kinda natural? Eye ain't no grammar freek or nun a dat and eye like to rite, and rite simple. It iz like a realease. We r alwayz barked at 4 mistakes, sumtiems eye just wanna rite "wit my hare down" no concern, just whutever. It feelz good to just let luse and rite in a way that iz so unconventional. Also we should b aware of r classrooms and there abilitys; alotta peeple rite wut they here. My friendz mom iz a teacher in New Orlenz. She haz sum good stories concerning riting samplez she gitz. She issuez verry ez quizez to her eight graderz cuz they do not read verry well. Wun question axed "what is your favorite ice cream?". Wun student rote "Butter Bacon". Mrs. Hansen wuz confuzed and showed anotha student in disbelief. Tha student looked for a secund and verry perplexed said. "What's wrong Mrs. Hansen? You ain't never heard of no butter bacón?" Tha studentz here "butter bacón" insted of butter pecan. Teacherz r essentially fiting against ritten and spokun language, and sumtimes this first (spokun) language iz even English.

I take my pen in hand, poising above a crisp white sheet, and wait...waiting for the muse that will guide my fingers, my thoughts into a labyrinth of words that will astound, amaze and delight readers for years to come.

Who are you trying to kid! You can't force genius...you can't force what? You have limited skill and any great sentence that comes is just sheer luck. There is not much to do here, but start writing. Keep writing. Keep trudging. Keep on keepin' on. You will make it – it won't be Shakespeare – but it will be a piece of paper with writing on it.

Thoughts surround me, seeming to float just out of reach, laughing airily as they rush by. I breathe slowly. In, out. In, out. Relax. In, out. I begin to feel the fluttering thoughts hover closer to me. They are curious. Will I ignore them? Will they have to leave and inspire another writer? They sneak closer and closer as I respirate, pondering the effects if they disturb my reverie with their brilliance. Then, silently, a stunning thought touches down on my shoulder, pleasantly whispering sheer inspiration into my waiting brain.

You are crazylocoinsaneridiculous! There is not a person on this planet who will be willing to listen to your drivel. Honestly, a sentence about writing a sentence. It doesn't even make sense. You had better stop...

Almost total silence reigns - You're right ALMOST, you better stop before... - as I quickly scribble the words that will convey the inspired thought I have just had the privilege of entertaining. Words come with ease. I write. I create. I fly. There is a masterpiece in the making. I will rise and conquer the world of Grammar with my brilliance. Voilà. It is done. I am master of words, Master of Grammar. I have created perfection.

In light of our discussion in class about the concept of orthographic variation, I thought I'd share this little bit from Charlie Brooker, writing in The Guardian, where he headlines his article "There's too much stuff. We live in a stuff-a-lanche. It's time for a cultural diet." How about that word "stuff-a-lanche"? Pretty nice, I think. And the article is worth a read, too.

I picked up on this piece from a blog at the New York Times website that I really like, called Schott's Vocab, focused on interesting uses of words and phrases in modern language. Check it out, I think you'll like it!