Grappling with Grammar: A Grammar Gallimaufry

I tried out the labyrinthine sentence, which I like because it reminds me of Dave Eggers. Also...a couple of sentence fragments and list of sorts.

I feel tired. I turned on the computer and wanted to be in the mood to write something moving and inspirational, something that would make my chest expand as my fingers flutter over the keys because I'd know that what I was typing just might change the world someday; not the whole world, but maybe someone's world - even if it's just my own little world full of incisions made on the back sides of stuffed animals to create puppets and microwavable lasagnas bought at the grocery store - even if it's just that little world that is changed, I'd feel important and excited that my fingers could change a life; but alas, I turned on the computer and felt my eye lids fall a little closer to my cheek bones and my arms fill with sand, and with shoulders drooping, I feel my mind slipping under the green, woolen comforter in my two-windowed bedroom and instead of inspirational, I feel tired.And hungry.
And I want a Jamba Juice.
I want Disneyland and a genie to grant me wishes.
I would wish for a soft serve ice cream machine.
And the ability to fly.
I would wish for the brain power to write a novel.
I would wish for someone to give me an Indian name.
I would wish for the summer and a beach to dig a hole in as sand seeps into the holes in my beach socks.
I would wish for love and for a cowboy.

So here are a couple of my attempts at Grammar B style of writing, first a labyrinthine sentence and then writing in a list:

I cannot explain effectively to anyone who hasn't taught--anyone who hasn't faced the challenge of grabbing and holding the attention of over thirty 12-year-old pre-teens--what it's like to stand before the classroom, heart pounding slightly more than usual and moisture starting to spread in my armpits, trying to decide what to say now, what to do now while Andy's over in one corner picking at his nose trying to make it bleed so he can take the hall pass and go to the bathroom (and thus flee the prison that is his seat), while Mariam's turned around talking in low tones to the girl behind her who--bless her heart--is trying to at least pretend to listen to the lecture, while I can clearly see that Zac has drifted off into some daydream and is no longer with me, his chin resting in the palm of his hands while his eyes stare out onto the soccer practice field outside the window, while Barbara hunches over a piece of notebook paper on which I know she's not writing down highlights from the lecture but instead a note she intends at some point to subtly pass across the room to her friend Tessa, while Paige (who is definitely not even pretending to pay attention) makes eyes at John as if he were some great catch (which, quite honestly, he is not).

things in my desk drawer:

• rubber bands of various sizes
• paper clips, again of various sizes (including some monster butterfly clips)
• a box of staples
• a roll of tape (but no tape dispenser)
• pads of small post-it notes
• a punch card from Eistein's bagels (that matches another punch card in my wallet and one more in my desk at home, none of which are fully punched)
• thumbtacks, some pointed menacingly upwards as if they were waiting for my innocent fingers to come within range
• spare change for the vending machines
• Colgate toothpaste and a worn toothbrush
• a "vanity cloth" to wipe off the smudges on my iPhone's screen
• a travel-sized bottle of Advil
• Tylenol Sinus medication
• empty envelopes
• Listerine breath strips
• a financial statement from some investment accounts
• discarded, too-small USB flash drives
• a bottle of whiteout that must, by this point, be completely dried up

So what are your efforts at writing in Grammar B style? Post your efforts in the comments and feel free to comment on my efforts or on others' efforts.

I found this chapter highly intersting. It details four concepts to use in order to teach students how to be good writers. It is easy to see how the four concepts of unscrambling, imitating, combining, and expanding can be very effective in the classroom.

I see how this would teach students the mechanics of good writing as they need little knowledge of grammar, they just learn how to construct good sentences. I imagine teaching some aspects of grammar will need to be a focus in conjunction with this method.

Harry Noden's chapter in Teaching Grammar in Context is the most engaging chapter of a textbook I have ever experienced! Harry (I like to use his Christian name as if we are colleagues and he has shared his greatest advice with me) uses the tools he teaches to paint for us a picture of a classroom full of engaged students, expressive students, even enthused students! If not a dream for all pre-service teachers, the motivation that propels me through the insane rigors of college is the dream of being able to inspire my future students to love language. And Harry's students seem to have grasped the significance. They attend to Harry's grammar lessons because they understand that their "workshop" on appositives will assist them in creating better and better pictures with words. This approach appears to be exciting and enjoyable for the teacher as well as for the students. And as my good friend recently shared with me, "I think you learn more if you are laughing, [having fun], at the same time." Harry has proven this right in his own students! Vive la langue!

So gender assignment of words isn't as big a deal in English as in other languages, but there's one instance where gender plays a big role: in the case of pronouns. "He" is the masculine and "She" is the feminine--clear enough, right? Well, what about when we need a be less specific or more universal, as in the case of "A writer needs his/her sleep" or "Every texter loves his cellphone"--what do we do then? Traditionalists might suggest just using the masculine "he" since that's been the practice for a long time, but that seems insensitive to a lot of people.

What have you heard suggested as a way to resolve this dilemma? What alternatives are there to using the masculine pronoun in these cases? Do any of the alternatives satisfy you?

(Something I read this week prompted me to post this, but I'm going to wait to share it until I hear what some of you have to say about it first.)

Can I talk for a second about a concept in Weaver's Grammar Plan Book? This just stopped me in my tracks . . . "Visual Scaffolding" ! I liked the idea that students can visually and physically assemble a scaffold of a concept for their own use and reference in their notes/writers notebook.

Scaffolding in my mind has always been more of a teacher lesson planning thing, but I really liked the idea of having a physical manifestation of scaffolding for students to refer back to. GREAT for visual learners, and for those with sketchy memory skills. They can refer back to these examples when they write, for ideas as well as a reminder. Doing this in grammar lessons (as part of the writing process, of course) can be done in the same manner that I cut and hand out quotes for when I teach Relief Society.

Part of Shane's previous post--where he discusses words that fall into popular usage--reminded me of a phrase that I thought was recent. Reading Charles Dickens' Bleak House over the summer proved me wrong. Dickens describes his character Mr. Tulkinghorn as old school:

"He is of what is called the old school--a phrase generally meaning any school that seems never to have been young--and wears knee-breeches tied with ribbons, and gaiters or stockings."

Maybe I'm the only one that thought that "old school" was a more recent description, but it seems to me that Dickens is using it in essentially the same way a lot of us do, minus the breeches. Am I missing something here? Any thoughts? And isn't it interesting how words and phrases fade in and out of vogue?