Grappling with Grammar: A Grammar Gallimaufry

I enjoyed the concepts presented by the reading. The philosophy of building up students by finding something positive in their writing, and using that as a springboard to revision is outstanding. The article details how being positive opened the students up to suggestions from the teacher to improve their writing. The key component of offering "constructive" criticism is to provide specific feedback instead of general comments that provide no guidance to the student.

I have seen on my papers the words "awkward" and "unclear" on the paper, but have been unsure of exactly how to proceed. I must remember this when I am teaching. To provide concise feedback that helps guide the student to the problem instead of leaving the problem mired in murkiness.

You know sometimes when you get an itch on your back that you can't quite reach, and directing others to the spot to help you scratch it seems to make it worse?

The following situation is kind of like that for me.

When I was 17 I was reading the Book of Mormon and noticed a rather peculiar phrase. I tried to ignore it, but then I started noticing it over and over again throughout the pages of the book. Since I was the one giving the doctrinal insights to my seminary class, I knew that my teacher there could be of no help. My parents were no good either.

So when I was a freshman at BYU in Book of Mormon 121 with Brother Parker, I decided it was finally a good time to ask. After class I went up to the teacher and pointed out a particular verse and quoted it to him, "But behold, I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness." (1 Nephi 5:5)

Does anyone notice anything...grammatically odd about that sentence?

"But behold, I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I do rejoice; yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness."

What on earth does "in the which" mean?

I asked Brother Parker about it, thinking this probably had something to do with the chiasmus or literary style or something like that, but the only answer I got was to make sure that this "in the which" problem I had didn't shake my faith in the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon.

So I gave up trying to solve the problem. But you know what? I've been noticing it again - the itch is back!

So to my grammarian associates, can anyone explain, in simple regular English terms, why "in the which" makes sense?

Thank you.

And p.s., I still have a testimony. In case you were wondering. :)

Why are some people good spellers while others are poor spellers? I have a theory. I was working on a fourth grade spelling list with my oldest daughter—my wife is a poor speller so this charge fell to me. Katie was attempting to spell Pennsylvania and she was failing miserably. In utter frustration I blurted out, “What’s the matter? Can’t you see the word right there in your mind?” My daughter and wife looked at me like I had two heads. I explained all they had to do was see the word in their mind. They asked in utter shock, “You actually see words? All we see is pictures.” When I want to spell Pennsylvania I see the letters P-E-N-N-S-Y-L-V-A-N-I-A in my mind; my daughter sees an outline of the state while my wife sees an image of Amish people. I decided to test this with others and found some interesting results.

I talked to roughly 200 individuals of various ages, finding that traditionally good spellers see letters in their mind, while traditionally poor spellers see pictures. A third group sees both letters and pictures, but these individuals account for a very small percentage. Individuals that see mental images have to work hard at developing strategies in order to spell adequately. Abstract words such as there, their, and they’re can be especially challenging as there is no mental picture to draw upon, so the mind is often left with a blank image.

What do you see in your mind when you want to spell the word pencil?

We talked in class today about how errors can change meaning. I have a story.

This is not a personal experience, it is a TRUE story that I heard from one of my roommates.

Last year her stake had a missionary fireside. You know, the kind where you bring your non-member friends and potential investigators? The meeting was supposed to be about the Plan of Salvation.

BUT, The program had a typo on it, and read , "Plan of SLAVATION." To make matters worse, the said fireside was in Kentucky, and the congregation that night was very, um, multicultural.

I'm sure there were more than a few African American families in attendance who were shocked and dismayed by our Church's supposed plan to enslave people.

That's all.

• Freezing time. I have longed for this power all of my school days. Especially at 2 am the day before the deadline for a big essay. If I had this power right now, I would take the best power nap ever.
• Teleportation. Not only would this save me a lot of hassle, but it could also help me fulfill my dreams of traveling the world. I especially craved this ability during the six months my husband and I spent on different continents before we were married.
• Mind reading. I’ve always been interested in how people think. This is why I started out college as a psych major. I especially wanted this power in high school so I could have known what was on the mind of all my crushes. The awesome thing about marriage is now I don’t have to read my husband’s mind to know how he feels about me; he tells me that he loves every day.
• Creating something out of nothing. Specifically—money. Lots and lots.
• Superhuman strength. This would save me from the embarrassment of struggling to crack the lid of a new water bottle in class. Or I could just start working out. That would definitely help.
• Duplication. I could create dozens of copies of my self and finally accomplish all of the goals I have. One could be the perfect student, one could be the perfect homemaker, one could be the successful professional, one would spend time with family, one would party with friends, one could be all about serving others, and I’m sure the rest could find something to do too.
• Extreme creativity. This would make assignments like this a lot easier.

Last week, a sleek black enormous Dodge Ram passed me as I was driving to school. It's back window touted an advertisement for a personal business, Custom Metalwork. The main part of the ad proclaimed the many types of metalwork available:
Chimney Caps
Planter Box's
Fireplace Hood's
Cupolas
Backsplash's
Range Hoods
(Note the two "hoods" that are punctuated differently and the other pluralized words that someone felt were in need of more than just a simple "es")
I initially intended to put this on the blog as a question of "Do the odd punctuation errors make you doubt the proficiency or professionalism of this business?" However, as I read the "Phenomenology of Error" I started to reconsider errors in language at a whole new level. What is error? I must admit I got lost and confused in the erudite language and formulas. However, what I did understand (and I could be completely wrong because of the whole "lost and confused" issue!) was that errors are not errors for everyone. What one person has written or spoken, believing that they are using the language correctly, can be "proved" to be an error by another through a different grammar book! How will anyone ever learn "correct" usage of the English language? Who will get to say it is correct? How far will we go in correcting or ignoring errors just because someone can prove or contradict the rule? Can "(range) hoods" and "(fireplace) hood's" come to mean the same thing because it is printed on the side of a truck? Where will we draw the line as teachers as to what is an error and what is a stylistic choice? Again, is "hoods" and "hood's" just a stylistic choice made to catch attention? Where do we find the answers?

So, I tried to make a list. And I got a little carried away. It is chuck full of incomplete sentences and loads of phrases that don't make perfect sense. And, there are some run-ons in there.

I kind of tried to tell a story through my list. We'll see how it goes:


I came home from Washington, D.C. with 2 weeks of near-freedom. I spent the majority of it very peacefully. I LOVE living life in St. George.

The Main Ideas:
1. The first day that I was home I often walked outside of my house and simply stood in the sun, spun around in circles, or swung on our tree swing and exclaimed my joy at the weather. Yes, it was hot, and yes, I love it when it is hot. I love stepping outside and feeling the heat just HIT you. I love feeling the sun kind of burn your skin when it touches you. I was obsessed with the heat when I was home.
2. My car. Imagine not driving a car in 3 and a half months. It was painful. I missed driving more than I ever thought I would. That first day I was home my first priority, after standing in the sun for a bit, was to drive and listen to my music.
3. Sleeping in. I slept in like a total of 2 times ALL SUMMER. So, when I got to St. George, I very much took advantage of my opportunity to sleep in. It was fantastic. And although it made me more tired because I often over slept (a good 12 hours isn't bad, right?), I loved every minute of my sleeping-in.
4. Disney Channel. I LOVE IT. I watched a mixture of JONAS, Sonny With a Chance, Hannah Montana, and Wizards of Waverly Place everyday.
5. Dairy Queen. SHALOM?!!!!! Why didn't anybody ever think to put one of those guys in Washington, D.C.? Those hoity toity Washingtonians are TOTALLY missing out. I must have eaten 7 Dilly Bars since I came home. My love affair with DQ has been going strong for several years now, and our relationship rekindled when I came home. And I am very attached to the back booth at the DQ in St. George. Good times, girls, good times.
6. My Moe and Jenny. When people talk about their BFFs, they often use the term loosely. These girls really ARE my best friends forever. I may have other best friends too (okay, I have a lot of them), but Moe and Jen are my LONGEST best friends, and I love them. They will always be there, caring about my life and depending on me to make them have fun. I love that. And I SO admire what they have become. They have both married men who are perfect for them, and they are doing so well! Jenny is a nurse and is going to have a baby! Moe is doing elementary education, and we are going to be teachers together! And when all three of us are old and married with lots of grandkids, we are going to ditch all of them AND our husbands and go on roadtrips and to EVERY Dixie High School event, completely decked out in blue and white (we may even wear our old Color Guard warm up suits!), and be the loudest flyer supporters in the stands. And all the students will laugh at us and act annoyed, when really, they will want to be just like us when they are old. Me and Moe and Jenny will leave a legacy.
7. Sand Hollow Reservoir. We went to the lake one day. The water felt great, the sand was amazing, there a lot of plants in the water, and a lot of bugs. AND, some people randomly picked a spot on the beach VERY CLOSE TO US for no reason. The entire rest of the beach was completely empty, but a family complete with grandparents, like 4 couples, and probably 14 grandchilden camped right next to us. We were annoyed. But the best part of the day was the sun. I got so much sun! And I did get a little burnt, but mostly, I just got tan. I will swear, forever, that the sun in St. George tans better than the sun in any other part of the world. It's a verified fact, not an observation.
8. The end of my Washington classes. I spent WAY TOO MUCH time in the Washington County library. I had TWO papers to write- one 5-7er, and one 15-18 pager. Lame-o. I hated almost every second of it. Except, I got a little bit into the research paper, and then I got excited. Sometimes writing papers make me a little excited. But I still don't like it, okay? So I wrote about the 1968 Riots in Washington, D.C. And I spent A LOT of time on it. But it still probably was not enough. But it's done, and when research papers are done and turned it, one finds a very happy Audrey.
9. Mom's school. I helped my mom get her classroom ready, and then I came with my Dad to help do testing. I loved her students. It almost makes me want to be an elementary school teacher.
10. Celina. She is staying with us! YAY!
11. Cafe Rio. Our reunion could not have been sweeter.
12. Me and Andrew had a sleepover. The whole family was gone, so I made Andrew keep me company. In a remarkable gesture, he agreed to hang out with me for a night instead of hanging out with Mallory! We went to DQ and then sat to watch a movie. We were both falling asleep, though, so we went up to bed. We slept on Mom and Dad's bed because it was the only place that we would both have a bed. We proceeded to talk for hours and hours and hours. Until about 3:30 or 4 in the morning. It was SO great. I can't remember the last time that we talked like that. And I doubt that we will ever have that opportunity again. He is getting married in less than 2 months-- which I am excited about. I love Mallory, and I know he is really happy. I love my brother so much.
13. Elise moved to Weber State! She is officially on her own, and I am SO excited for her!! We had a lot of sleepovers too. I love hanging out with Elise, and when she left a couple of days before I did, I walked around the house wishing she were there. I missed her.
14. Stephanie came down for Moriah's birthday. My sugar doll turned 14, which is CRAZY.

And then, my 14 days of summer ended, and I packed up and drove to Provo.