How much puctuation can I use in one labyrinthine sentence?

How much punctuation can I fit into one sentence? Or better, how much can I use in a Labryrinthine sentence while still maintaining the grammatical integrity of the effort? This is not an attempt to craft a serious piece of literature; in fact I hope that this will be looked at from a humorous point of view. I suppose this kind of sentence is what would happen if Gothic/Victorian novels were still in vogue, which thankfully they are not.

Now let's see what I can do!

"Is this really where my life is heading, a dark road into an abyss of misery and woe forever plagued by this woman before me who can't even write a simple check (or spell my name for that matter, even though we've gone over it a dozen times (although I must admit that English is after all her fourth language, which, while a valid excuse, is still no justification for the way she uses me to cater to her every desperate need (which are many, considering that accursed disability which makes everything almost impossible for her to do without asking for some kind of assistance (which leads me to wonder, why doesn't she just hire some help instead of using her boyfriend as her personal maid (though I confess I'll almost do it gladly when I'm caught up in the moment, those fleeting moments when her sad, quivering smile gleams on me and cuts into me with the light of tender attachment which shines through the years of suffering and grief that I've endured - oh, how I love those smiles!)))))?" he thought suddenly - and it was!

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