Grappling with Grammar: A Grammar Gallimaufry

Santa Baby/World,

Things I want for Christmas/Birthday/Thanksgiving/Election Day/Halloween/Columbus Day/Every Day because they are all coming up, and lets be honest, I just am in a wanting mood (sorry) and the reasoning behind my wantings:

-Black leggings. How nice for warmth under jeans (I don’t care if this is nerdy) or for cuteness under my new dress.

-Dress. Wouldn’t this be nice in a nice shade of every color? I still share clothes with my mom. I believe it is time for my own considering she lives in Colorado and I in Utah.

-Peacock headband or hairclip. I saw Sara O.’s (she’s in at least two of my classes so I get to see her and covet her things often) and I think it’s is exactly what I need.

-A 16”x24” frame. These are hard to find! They are expensive to have made, but it is for our wedding picture…

-Seven Jeans. Yes, this is over the top, I know. But you see, Ryan told me to guess the school that matched a mascot symbol and if I got it I could have anything I wanted, so I dramatically announced the jeans. I guessed U Penn instead of Penn State. Puh-lease. I declared that I was half right (a hard guess for someone who knows nada about football) and so I got half of anything I wanted. Thus the jeans—I’ve already earned half and how could I not have a whole pair? One leg is useless unless you only have one leg.

-A haircut. You should see these split-ends and limp locks. It is time for a style!

-Some teacher-y clothes. Ry and I went through my closet a few days ago and got rid of a bunch of stuff—things my mother has been begging me to trash since high-school. I guess it takes a man. We made rules about nice words and non-insults, etc. The outcome was good, except that we wanted to get rid of more of my dressy things, but couldn’t because I need things to teach in. I just can’t stand in front of 30 high-schoolers five times a day wearing the same thing every Tuesday. Call me vain. The specific list:

-Brown or tan slacks.

-Classy flats in every color. Necessary to spice up a drab winter AND so I won’t die on my feet all day. Clearly a necessity.

-Nice sweaters. I have to look older than these kids!

-Some more button-ups. Confession: I have a purple one from 7^th grade. It just now fits. I should probably get rid of it.

-Other varied nice shirts. (Wo)man cannot live on sweaters and button-ups alone.

-Anything else a teacher needs to wear to be swank.

-Teacher-y bag. As I am the height of a high-schooler and the only difference in our appearances is the ring on my finger, I simple cannot wear a backpack, no matter how convenient it is.

-Black eyeliner. Mine is a stub and an actual pencil. Unheard of because the roll-up kind is just better.

-Sweater boots. I have honestly wanted these since 6^th grade, but I thought they were too trendy. They’re still around, so I think it’s about time.

-A million bazillion dollars. This would clearly solve all of the above problems.

Thanks and don’t worry too much about any of this except the money, because really, I don’t want to be presumptuous and ask too much.

Love,

Alarie